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If your problem can’t be solved by me saying “damn” and nodding a lot, then you shouldn’t come to me for help.
I`m a spontaneous procrastinator
If camera lenses are round, why are the pictures square?
Your lights are on but I see someone’s been playing with your dimmer switch.
Why isn’t “cheating” a relationship status on Facebook?
is actually feeling pretty much okay about not accomplishing anything this year.
You must have been born on a highway. Most accidents take place there.
DO NOT LIKE THIS… Unless you’re a sexy beast.
Your family tree must look like a cactus........everybody on it is a pr!ck
To-Do List: Nothing [?]
It`s great how you have legs that can take you away from a conversation when you don`t feel like listening to people anymore
No one looks more depressed than a grown man walking away from the microwave with a Lean Cuisine meal in his hands.
Fantasy football is just Dungeons and Dragons for the people who used to beat up the people who played Dungeons and Dragons.
Have you ever noticed that the & symbol looks like a guy dragging his butt across the floor?
Two things that most people want. 1. Lose weight 2. Eat