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After I clear my browser history I do a quick google search for things like "feeding the hungry" and "How to thank a loving wife"
May your Labor Day contain no Labor!
Today is national I don`t feel like doing sh!t today. Celebrate accordingly.
Wow, I didn`t know my ex was into orgies until I saw the ad on Craig`s list I just posted.
I have hit the age where sex and choosing the exact right size Tupperware for leftovers are equally satisfying...
I am there for you no matter what, anytime, day or night, unless there is something good on TV or I am eating pie
-buys lottery ticket -fantasizes about winning the lottery -smiles -loses lottery -resumes general hatred for life
In America, someone is shot every 15 seconds ... How is that person still alive?
I bet heroin addicts can open a Capri sun on the first try.
Apparently showing the pharmacist a picture of my wife was not a good enough reason to get Valium without a prescription.
I`ll always be here for you ... Unless we run out of beer, and someone has some over there. Then I`ll be over there for you.
After Monday and Tuesday... even the week says WTF!
I hope my liquor store is having an after Christmas sale!!
Just spent a week building a time machine. That’s seven days of my life I’m going to get back.
I hope daylight savings time hasn`t thrown you off your schedule of doing nothing.