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Halloween Drinking Game: Drink every-time an Elsa (from Frozen) visits your house.
Look up from your phone… There’s some life going on around you.
Dear Santa, I would like a thin body and a fat bank account. Don’t mix it up this year!
So far I`m 0 for 276 for walking around the block in hopes of finding a bag of money on the side of the road.
Comcast is doing home security now so if your house is being robbed they will get the police there on Tuesday between the hours of 8 & 12.
I like telling people to "grow up" because even if they hate me I can visit them ten years later and say "Took my advice I see"
No matter how bad your day seems, just remember that someone out there has to clean the bathroom at Taco Bell.
I`m as bored as a guy with no arms looking at porn.
We get it people on Facebook. You`re married, you have kids, you`re happy. Calm down.
I`m God`s gift to women if he stopped at a gas station last minute.
Why can`t everyday be football Sunday?
You`d think by episode 133 the Scooby Doo gang would know it`s a guy in a costume every time.
Life is like a teenager`s p@nis. some are short, some are long, but it is always hard.
No, I CAN’T believe how early it’s getting dark. After 4 billion years of this happening I was sure this would be the year it didn’t.
If Jesus was the son of Mary and he was the Lamb of God, Does that mean Mary had a Little Lamb?