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facebook cuz am too old to have imaginery friends
I socially identify as the guy who tried to jump off of the sinking Titanic but ending up hitting a massive propeller on the way down.
It appears that autocorrect has become my worst enema.
Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advise.
I do 5 situps every morning. I know it doesn`t sound like much, but there`s only so many times one can hit the "snooze" button......
You can correct people`s grammar or you can have friends. But you can`t do both.
We should have a way of telling people their breath stinks without hurting their feelings like: “Well I’m bored, let’s go brush our teeth.”
You know you`re a bad driver when Siri tells you "after 400 feet stop and let me out"
Life in the fast lane ? Heck, I live in oncoming traffic.
Holiday cards, when you care enough to let friends, family, customers & clients see how your handwriting hasn`t improved since fourth grade.
Sometimes words are not enough. That`s why I always like to keep a baseball bat with me, just in case...
When someone walks away from me shaking their head, I totally agree.
Immature: A word boring people use to describe fun people.
"Hey bro shotgun this beer" No I don`t drink "You wanna be cool don`t you?" I don`t drink "C`mon NERD!" Grandma PLEASE stop
You had me at Rice Krispies Treats