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Just when you think you have the answer a woman will be there to change the question.
Behind every beautiful woman, is a beautiful behind.
Don’t you hate when the whole bus is empty, but some guy sits right next to you? I know you do. That’s why I do it.
I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves
If it doesn’t make you afraid to go to the bathroom the next day, it’s not really hot sauce.
The guy blaring the self help CD at the red light in the rusted car with no bumpers wasn`t amused when I said, "I don`t think it`s working"
If I’m not eating I’m most likely not happy.
Whoever said "sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you" has obviously never been hit with a dictionary.
Life Insurance: Let me get this right. I pay you until I die, then someone ELSE gets the money?
I`d like to thank the bars for being there for me.
Boobs are like model trains. They were originally for children but grown men always want to play with them.
You know what’s easy? ... Opening another beer
Getting that beach body is easy. You just have to know where to dig.
I like to walk by a chick in slow motion so she thinks i`m the one
Scariest Moment: Flushing the toilet at someone else’s house, and seeing the water rise…