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It only takes a few seconds to show someone how you feel about them......the police call it indecent exposure but whatever.
If you are hotter than me, wouldn’t that make me cooler than you.
Whoever lost a bundle of $20 bills tied up in a rubber band..I found the rubber band..
My new workout video is 20 minutes of me vacuuming over the same piece of string instead of picking it up.
The good thing about being 6' 6? is that if I develop a bald patch, no one will see it..Unless you’re using Google Earth.
Home is where you can say anything you want, because nobody listens to you anyway.
If an officer asks “do you know why I pulled you over?” “Because it’s the only way to get girls to talk to you” is a bad answer, apparently
Whenever I hear that customer service calls are going to be recorded I do one of my raps because I`m too poor to pay for studio time
Orion`s Belt is a huge waist of space.
It`s as if none of these people have ever seen a beer hat at the gym before.
You ever think that maybe the reason geese are always honking is because they`re flying too close together?
My school always awarded dictionaries to the spelling bee winners. Which was weird because it should actually be awarded to the losers.
roses are red violets are blue da shit in my back yard looks jus like you
Bad decisions make good stories.
No one texts faster than a gossiping woman.