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in 2014 there were times when I annoyed you, disturbed you, irritated you and bugged the hell out of you. Today i wanna let you know that i planned to continue with it this year :-)
No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a light saber.
Tonight I plan on drinking until I`m someone else`s problem
Netflix should double as a dating site and be like "here are 9 other singles in your area that watched LOST for the past 11 hours."
The best part about living in a small town is when I don`t know what I`m doing, someone else does.
Don`t blame the holidays, you were fat in August.
If you really think about it, "Nightlife" is just a fancy word for drinking alcohol at a place that isn`t your house.
Okay kids don`t ever talk to strangers or take candy from strangers or go to stranger`s houses except on the day we worship the devil.
Give me a fish & I`ll cook you dinner. Teach me to fish & I`ll just be sitting there in the boat with you getting drunk.
According to my current parking spot, I`m Chief of Police.
Of all the things life has given to me... I would like to return 20 lbs.
My buddy asked me the other night if he could crash on my couch. I had to explain to him that I`m married now and thats were I sleep...
I keep an identical glass of vodka next to the water on my bedside table for a refreshing morning game of Russian Roulette
I’m always disappointed when a liar’s pants don’t actually catch on fire.
Ever wonder if we`re just a reality TV show for a more intelligent species?