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Roses are red Your thong is pink Cover that up You`re not as hot as you think.
I would like to think that I`ll die heroic death saving someone`s life but it`s more likely I`ll trip over my shoelaces and choke on a spoonful of Nutella.
I’m just a man standing in front of a woman, who is standing in front of another man who is in front of another woman in line at Taco Bell.
I love facebook... It`s the only place where I can talk to a wall and not look like an idiot...
I went for a run but came back home after 2 minutes because I forgot something. I forgot that I`m fat and can`t run for more than 2 minutes.
Remember, children. The best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother.
The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today. Pretty sure she`s going to get me something.
My To-Do list for today is just a bunch of things I wanna eat.
Note to self: you never read these notes so stop writing them.
The more I know, the more I forget! The more I forget the less I know! The less I know, the less I forget! The less I forget, the more I know!!!
The race to get Dad a Christmas present usually ends in a tie.
The nice thing about living in the southern states is that "He needed killing" is a valid legal defense here.
Who ever invented the knock knock joke should get the no bell prize.
A world without Facebook would be much more productive.
I thought we had something. You met my family, made me dinner, called me honey. Now suddenly you’re a “waitress” who was “doing her job?”