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30 years later and my Cabbage Patch Kid still has no clue that he`s adopted.
It`s just a mater of time before bathrooms will eventually be called Selfie Rooms
All I ask is to one day live in a house with secret passages.
I didn`t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
We all have that one friend who always gives the best relationship advice , but is still single.
When sliding down the banister of life, always make sure that the end is knob free!
If your that person that makes microwave popcorn at work, nobody likes you.
Sometime when I`m home alone I like to fill my bathtub with spaghetti and pretend I`m a meatball.!
A real ice cream truck would have melted by now.
Every time I`m about to win an argument with my wife, someone wakes me up...
My life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Walmart.
When I get bored I go to a car dealership and ask the salesman to lay in the trunk so I can "see how many I`ll be able to fit"
“I need to stop,” I whispered as I clicked next episode.
The only correct answer to the question are you sleeping is no.
I`m getting really irritated. This is the tenth ATM I`ve been to in the last week that`s had "insufficient funds".