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Why do they play this music on the elevators if we`re not suppose to slow dance.
Wanna screw with your idiot friends on Facebook? Post that Obama passed a law to stay in office a third term this morning. Praise Jesus.
I wish relationships were more like cell phone plans - "Free nights and weekends."
It was hard getting over my addiction to the Hokey Pokey, but I’ve turned myself around.
The worst thing about dating is bringing a nice guy home after dinner, only to find your husband home early from work.
After much thought and careful consideration, I`ve decided not to do a damn thing today.
All I ask is that if we arm the teachers, that the librarians get silencers.
The problem with diets is pizza.
cofeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffee... Wheeeeeeeeee!
If you have really strong opinions on subjects that you know very little about... then Facebook just may be the perfect thing for you.
Got a new blood pressure monitor, says it turns off after 6 minutes of inactivity .....
Jobs are like relationships. You have them, you cry about it. You don’t have them, you cry about it.
Some people are grateful for the impact you made in their life…. It’s not me, I think you’re a pr!ck.
I know you shouldn`t text and drive but I`ve only had 2-3 texts tonight, tops, so I should be okay to drive.
The best government job has to be assigning names to secret operations.