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I look forward to the day that cell phone technology finally catches up with technology in digital watches and they release a model that is water resistant up to 100 meters.
It’s silly how we spend money on clothes when naked is free.
Doing it wrong is the only thing I do right.
Shouldn`t there have been at least one scene in The Karate Kid where Daniel`s mom was like "Why are you constantly in that old man`s shed?"
The more I drink, the more I realize how much more I still want to drink.
I would like to give thanks to the brave men and women who died a long time ago tasting which plants were edible and which plants were not.
I read an actual newspaper today! For those of you who don`t understand, a newspaper is like the Internet but made of paper.
We have so much in common. You want to travel and I want you to go.
Inviting a friend to play Candy Crush Saga is like hosting an intervention and providing the crack.
My New Year’s resolution is to save enough to buy a Velcro wall ... I plan on sticking to it.
I hate when homesless people shake their cup of coins at me. It`s like yeah I know you have more money than me, no need to rub it in.
Some days the only thought that stops me from being Dexter...is that I am WAY too pretty to go to prison
I am bored. Anyone need anything avenged?
Live For Today… Plan For Tomorrow… Party Tonight!
If you knew how many trips to the bathroom every phone has taken, you’d never, ever, ever, ever, ever touch somebody else’s phone. Ever.