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Roses are red, violets are blue. I have 5 fingers, the middle one is for you.
I shouldn`t have to work. People should just pay me for being awesome.
I thought we had something. You met my family, made us dinner, called me honey. Now suddenly you’re a “waitress” who was “doing her job?”
Three decades of playing Tetris have apparently not improved our nation`s ability to stow overhead luggage.
Never judge a man ’till you’ve driven a mile with his wife.
I saw a guy today at Starbucks. He had no smartphone, tablet or laptop. He just sat there drinking his coffee. Like a psychopath.
Success sleeps with u in private. Failure insults u in public ! Aa
Reverse Psychology: DO not STALK MY FB PAGE. YOU ARE not OBSESSED WITH ME...
Bad decisions and good stories or good decisions and no stories?
As long as there is an open textbook in front of you, nobody will question what you are doing on your laptop.
Mom: You haven`t moved since I left 5 hours ago? Me: Excuse me, where do you think these chips came from!!???
I have a fear of elevators, but I have an even greater fear of exercise.
I can cope with voices in my head but the voices outside my head drive me crazy.
I`m opening a bar called The Office. You`re welcome guys. "Be home soon sweetie, I`m at The Office"
Whenever I meet a new girl, I introduce myself by shaking hands with my left hand. I don’t want her to meet her competition right away.