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That microwavable meal was delicious and filling! – no one ever
Akward Moment Is When Your Twin Sister Calls You Ugly(:
is having some serious PMS: Parked Motorcycle Syndrome!
Nice try "Private Caller", but I wont`t answer even if I know you.
Today`s society is a good example of what happens when you let the clowns run the circus.
Stress balls work best when you shove them down somebody`s throat.
They say you are what you eat, though... I don`t recall eating a sexy beast today
If there`s one thing I`ve learnt in life it`s to stay clothed during sensitive conversations.
I don`t have any skeletons in my closet because I bury my victims in the backyard!
I think I might be bisexual. Because last night I had sex by myself.
A real friend is someone who knows how damn crazy you are... But is still willing to be seen out in public with you.
I`m so out of shape, Internet Explorer could probably run faster than me.
Of all the people who "claim" not to give a sh!t, I`m pretty sure the guy standing barefoot in front of the urinal at the gym is the winner.
Can I just drop it like it’s luke warm? It’s been a long day and I’m tired.
My mind is telling me nooo... But my body... My body`s telling me yesss...BABY. Cashier: Sir...would you like fries with that or not?