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Was building a website for women drivers ... Bloody thing kept crashing.
When I buy a horse, I`ll call it `MY FACE`..imagine all the ladies screaming `come on my face`
If they put beer in CapriSun pouches I could fit a lot more in my cooler. Just thought I`d throw that out there, people who invent sh!t.
My identity was stolen. I hope they do a better job with my life than I did!
Nipples (noun) - the body`s way of telling you the weather
Would you be a deer and run out in front of my car for me?
Like my therapist always says, "I`m not your therapist, you`re just laying on a couch in Ikea"
There is no such thing as failure. There are only results.
That moment when you realize the object of #WeightWatchers is NOT see who can score the most points...
Don`t be ashamed of who you are. That`s your parents job.
You’re one of those women that my mom warned me about…Here’s my number.
Some of you need to be driven out to the country and released back into the wild
If you think you have problems, remember that Malaysian man who told his wife he was flying to China... and now he can`t get out of his girlfriend`s apartment...
Getting another set of teeth would be much more useful at age 60 than age 6.
Being in the friend zone is like being the guy in the band who plays that little triangle.