Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I saved someone`s life today. Well, I resisted the urge to strangle the life out of some idiot. That`s the same thing, right?
Don`t worry. Your secret is safe with me. I wasn`t listening anyway.
You know you`re single when the only calls you get at night are Nature`s.
I think ugly people have children just to prove to everyone they had sex.
With the rise of self-driving vehicles, eventually there will be a country song about how your truck left you too.
Sarcasm is just one of the many services I offer to people who ask stupid questions.
Is it just me, or does this gravy I made taste like scotch? Anyway, best Thanksgiving EVER!
Thank you Pringles for being the only chip company that doesn`t sell air.
I think a good gauge of my personality is that I watch Homeland to relax.
I`m sorry, all I hear is your perfume
I don’t just sing in the shower... I perform.
FYI, Target does not give prizes, no matter how many bullseyes you hit in the store with a paintball gun
Did you know dryer sheets double as toilet paper and leave your a$$ smelling like meadows and rain drops?
I`m at the age where if someone says "Go big or go home," I`m usually fine with going home.
Tonight I’m trying to get to that happy place right between don’t know my own name and head in the toilet.