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I can think of absolutely no acceptable situation where a grown man should be taking a bathroom mirror selfie.
I`ve had frozen pizza and delivery pizza in the same day, b!tch you don`t know me.
is actually feeling pretty much okay about not accomplishing anything this year.
The term "I paid GOOD money for that!" is soo silly..Honestly, have you ever seen BAD money? NOT ME !!!
It’s a humbling moment when you realize your dog or cat has actually trained you to do something.
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key
I wish my personality allowed me to write deep and meaningful statuses sometimes, oh well. Titties!
The truth is, I find it very stressful that Smokey thinks that I`m the only one that can prevent forest fires. I don`t feel trained for this, and I certainly didn`t sign up for the position.
What do you get when you inject human DNA into a goat? Apparently banned from the petting zoo...
I wish the Microsoft Paperclip would just pop up when I’m making a questionable decision for my life.
I`ve learned more from one season of "Shark tank", than I ever learned in four years of buisness school.
Most problems can be solved with nudity.
WHEW! I just had a near-work experience.
Writing is a great career when people like hearing what you have to say but don`t want to look at you.
We are living in a generation where Vampires are sparkly,Werevolves are gay and Witches wear leather pants.