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I tried to make both ends meet, but I`m a poor judge of distance.
Wine doesn`t have many vitamins. That`s why you have to drink a lot of it.
This generation is guilty of making the wrong people rich and famous.
Well, the people outside are frightful.
Somehow I`m not nearly as overjoyed with this vegetable slicer as the woman on the infomercial was.
At the start of every relationship many girls treat their boys as a GOD but later the alphabets are reversed
Smiling gives you wrinkles. Resting bitch face keeps you pretty.
It’s not you. It’s my ears. They just make you sound so boring and dull.
There is no one more trustworthy than Clark Kent`s dry cleaner.
There’s a reason why “sober” and “so bored” sound almost exactly the same.
"I want to be cuddled, but I want to be alone. Being crazy is hard." - WOMEN
Don`t blame me, I was born awesome ;)
Kinda hypocritical of me to complain about people who send mixed signals seeing as the mat in front of my door says "welcome"...
Mail from Grandma: FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:No subject
I bet guys that work at strip clubs are "hard" workers...