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I hate when I’m about to hug someone really sexy and then my face hits the mirror.
I`m an organ donor, but I`m pretty sure all they`re going to use my liver for is "after" photos.
"F@ck It" has gotten me through a lot of situations.
We still don`t know sh*t about that airplane. - NEWS
My 6 yo just chugged a bottle of water in 30 seconds. Now I`m fearful of her college days.
True love doesn`t care about the look or size of your wallet, it`s all about what`s inside ..... the wallet.
Yes we`re friends on facebook but that`s where it ends, stop trying to talk to me in real life... mom
I enjoy long walks away from responsibility.
You have got to have worse hand-eye coordination than a lama on crack
Roses are Red Violets are Blue, If I had a brick, I`d throw it at you.
Life`s too short for Salad..............
Sad life : After watching 2 seconds of Spongebob I already know what episode it is ... I`m 41
Tried cleaning the house to the A-Team theme and ended up building a tank. So close.
Instead of ‘gay friends’ can we say homiesexuals
So far the "couch" part of couch-to-5k is easily my favorite.