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Starting an international incident is number one on my bucket list.
Just seen a sign reading "PAY ATTENTION WHILE WALKING your Facebook status update can wait". While on Facebook on my phone. While walking...
I’ll drink responsibly when there is a brand of vodka named Responsibly.
It`s like my golf instructor thinks I`m mature enough to handle him talking about balls, and how to properly grip the club.
Boss: Where`s the progress report I asked u for. Me: I haven`t made any progress, that`s my report! - What I imagine it`d be like if I had a job
If I randomly burst out in laughter, it`s usually `cause I just told myself a joke I`d never heard before :)
I`m not lying, I`m just making the story better.
I’ve been searching for my stolen bed. And I won’t rest until I find it.
May the bridges I burn light the path in front of me...
EVERY Friday is good in my book!
I bet you can`t keep the funny and not funny the same number.
Men also have feelings. For example, we can feel hungry
Tequila is Spanish for I’m open to waking up anywhere.
I`ve got a lot to unlearn.
Cheered myself up earlier by putting a "no U-turn" sign in a dead-end street.