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When my boss says, "women of a certain age" then looks at me, it`s ok to stab her with a letter opener, right?
If I didn`t procrastinate, I probably wouldn`t do anything at all.
The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.
Breaking News: I took a bath today
I work out ... Just kidding, I take naps.
Don´t wait for the perfect moment. Take the moment and make it perfect.
I like to go on drunk facebook post binges, then claim the next day that someone hacked my account.
We all have faults. It`s just that mine are better than yours.
Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface.
I wonder when people without cars pick their noses…
Did anyone else go into a furious, violent rage when they found out that George Lucas filmed most of Star Wars here on Earth?
I`m not a doctor, but I play one on eHarmony.
The girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy.. so I went out and got drunk.
It needs more cowbell!!