Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Iām going to start wearing a whistle around my neck, so I can call penalties on people who piss me off.
Calling credit cards "a convenient alternative to cash" is like calling crystal meth a "diet substitute".
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
My talent is being wasted, if that counts as a talent.
You heard me right. I said:"Lets agree to disagree." It`s much more polite than:"Whatever, bitch."
Does anyone have a good recipe for homemade gasoline?
The only time I`ve ever used sex to get what I want is when I want sex.
I don`t think stupid people understand how much effort goes into not punching them in the face
Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question.
It`s all shits and giggles till someone giggles and shits
"Half a dozen" because saying `6` is way too long...
It`s funny how things change when you get older. It seems like just yesterday I would spend my evenings on the front porch and treat myself to some killer weed. Now I spend my
I haven`t owned a watch for I don`t know how long.
Nothing sadder than the look on my dogs face when I drop food from the table and they realize it`s lettuce.
I saw a guy walking 4 dogs this morning and thought, Wow!.. That guy must be really blind.