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Have you ever tried blind-folded archery? You don`t know what you`re missing.
If you didn`t hear it with your own ears or see it with you own eyes. Don`t invent it with your small mind, and share it with your big mouth.
Sometimes my attention span is shorter than a gold fish crackers are delicious.
I just ran butt a$$ naked through Walmart yelling "Stop that shoplifter! she got my clothes!"
I`m drinking like there`s snow tomorrow.
Like a stoned man once said, I can`t remember.
I once overdosed on Viagra. My wife took it really hard.
1: Say "Unh! 2: Mumble three spanish words. 3: list four cities. You just made a Pitbull song.
That moment when you pour yourself a bowl of cereal and discover there`s no milk. So you just sit there, wondering why bad things happen to good people?
Life before the internet was awful. Your friend would be wrong about a trivial issue during dinner and you just had to let it go
Noise cancelling toilets should be a thing.
Why do they leave folding chairs so close to the wrestling ring? Shouldn’t the maintenance staff have learned their lesson by now?
My roommate complained that I never lifted a finger to help around the house. So I lifted a finger. Apparently, it was the wrong one.
I`m sorry officer, I thought you wanted to race.
I have no idea why they say that counting sheep helps you fall asleep. This farm is freezing and these cows are noisy as hell.