Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I like how adding a little OJ to a glass of champagne says “I’m classy” instead of “It’s nine in the morning and I have a drinking problem.”
You know you are old when people keep telling you how young you look.
When you are on a first date and she says to you: “I want you to treat me like a movie star,” it is vitally important to establish which type of movie.
Well I was gonna donate blood today until the lady got all personal and started asking "who´s blood is this?" and "How did you get it?"
"Mary had a little lamb. That`s had." - the wolf
Is it bad that "WINE" is always on my grocery list? At the top? In all caps?
Instead of “single” as a relationship option, it should read “independently owned and operated”
I finally figured out how to get rid of that annoying sound in my car. I opened the door and pushed her out!!
Trust me , as you get to know me , i just get weirder.
Actually officer, I`d prefer to think that vodka smells like me.
The best way to change a woman`s mind is to agree with her.
Rumors are like fires. No one admits to starting them and before you know it, they`re out of control.
if your morning beverage isn`t half booze/half coffee, you`re doing Saturday wrong.
Iam not as THINK as you DRUNK iam!!
I can`t wait til the Presidential race ends so we can stop hating people for their politics and go back to hating people because they`re jerks