Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I hate when I wake up in the middle of the night to get a quick drink of water and then accidentally eat a whole pizza and a cheesecake.
I hit a new low today and used a cheat code on Wii Fit
My roommate is on a date and said he`s convinced she`s coming home with him tonight. I`ve covered his room in Justin Bieber posters. Now we wait.
I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.
If you`re not procrastinating just a little, you`re not doing Saturday right.
I`m worried that my guardian angel is a crack head.
Being an adult is basically a "choose your own adventure" book, but every choice sounds terrible.
Today is national bring your flask to work day. I just made it up. Tell the others...
Grant me the courage to change the things I can, the serenity to accept the things I cannot, and a big-a$$ed pitcher of margaritas as “Plan B”
I`ve found that the things I`m most interested in aren`t really in my best interest.
i just peed so hard that I laughed a little bit
For some people, a new year means a new chance to f*ck it up all over again.
I was all ears until you said something that sounded like advice.
As far as distractions go ... I like to think I`m a good one.
I sure could help a lot of needy people if I won the big Powerball draw. Mainly sales people needing a commission, but still...