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We live in a world in where it is easier to get out of a marriage than a mobile-phone contract
What if every time a song pops into your head, it’s really just your brain intercepting one of the bajillion radio signals bouncing around you?
Money can buy imitation happiness. I’m cool with that.
How many different animals did we have to jump on the backs of before we discovered horses were cool with it?
So far my bracket is perfect! I can`t wait to fill the rest of it in.
I`m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off a bunch of sh!t all at the same time.
I wonder what Facebook employees do at work to waste time.
My hair looks amazing today. I hope I see everybody I hate.
8 more days and I will finally get rid of last years Halloween candy.
Just got a fortune cookie with no fortune in it ... Sounds about right for this Monday
I forgot to post this earlier
Don`t let anyone tell you what you can`t accomplish. That`s what self-doubt is for.
Thank god that racist basketball guy showed up or we`d still be talking about how we`re not finding that airplane.
Do you really have to breath that much?
If you take bites out of string cheese rather than rip strings off , you don’t f*cking deserve string cheese.