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Scott Baio is not a part of the Presidential transition team. I’m really disappointed that Charles is not in Charge of anything.
What`s the right age to stop running naked from the bedroom to the bathroom?
A recent survey of one person reveals that 100% of me thinks I should leave work early.
I`m curious: Do girls shake the gasoline nozzle when they`re taking it out of their cars too?
Now that "twerk" has been added to the dictionary, I can`t wait for a Spelling Bee judge to be asked to use it in a sentence.
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I`m totally flexible
Whenever I see people lined up outside a club on Friday night, I just think “look at all these poor people who don’t know Netflix exists.”
What do you get when you cross a pitbull with a computer? I don`t really know but when it megabytes, it megahertz
If I died and went straight to hell, it would take me more than a week to realize that I`m not at work anymore....
Haters gunna hate,potatoes gunna patate!!
The problem with the girl of my dreams is that she’s never around when I’m awake.
Don’t judge me for things I did a few seconds ago, I’ve changed since then.
I hate that little line of dirt that I can never get into the dust pan.
A homeless man just asked me if I was having a bad hair day, so I took my dollar back.
No one in my entire life has believed in me more than the waiter who gave me a single napkin to use while eating my lunch yesterday.