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It`s the simple things that make me laugh....mostly you.
My trust issues began when there was no donkey in Donkey Kong.
There comes a time in the day, when no matter what the question, the answer is booze.
I love Alfredo sauce ... Unless you`re a dude named Alfredo.
The male version of a tramp stamp should be called a douche tag.
“Shh.. Do you hear that?” “What? I heard nothing.” “Exactly, it’s the sound of no one caring.”
I know the voices aren`t real, but man do they come up with some great ideas.
I can walk up to any dog, rub its butt and make a friend. That trick only works about half the time on people.
The hardest part of carving a pumpkin nowadays is finding some newspaper to spread
Energy conservation activists would get more attention if they called themselves power rangers.
Do the right thing today: Go to someone`s profile, scroll down 4 months, and like something.
Nothing sadder than the look on my dogs face when I drop food from the table and they realize it`s lettuce.
Don`t tell me to make myself at home if you don`t want me to drop my pants and download porn on your computer.
Dear whoever ate my fries while I was in the ball pit at McDonalds... Not funny, grow up.
Once again its friday I know its only been 7 days since the last one but feels like its been a week....