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As you Mature... you learn that you cannot make someone love you.. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in..
If doing things was as easy as thinking about doing things I’d get a lot more done.
Online dating is like shopping for a car online... show me the carfax!! I wanna see the history!
I like to keep my friends close, and my attractive friends even closer.
Note to self... next time my wife asks what`s on tv, don`t say dust
Do you suppose prison guards could use `PROACTIV` to prevent outbreaks?
Want the truth? Just ask a kid.
My inflatable girlfriend always looks surprised when I walk into the room.
I had a blind date once, her name was ..::..::.:::::…:::::
Ugh, I have an ingrown hair and it really hurts. This sounds like a job for medical marijuana.
Fitness? More like fitness whole cheesecake in my mouth.
Today I recently discovered how to make my p@nis 12"...I just fold that b!tch in half.
I noticed you’re not yourself today. I really like it.
Daylight Saving Time rocks. It even makes laziness sound impressive. I did nothing for 24 hours? Not today. I did nothing for 25 hours!
They say love is in every corner… Then my life must be a freakin’ circle.