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Apparently getting injured while in the KISS Army doesn`t make you eligible for V.A. benefits.
United States is where moms get a day and shark get a whole week.
Business Plan: 1. Hold sign that says "Free Hugs" 2. Whisper during the hug, "it`s $50 to let go"
You can`t fix STUPID, but you can Numb it with a 2x4.
I just peed so hard that I laughed a little.
Going on a dangerous assignment. If I don`t come back, can someone please tell my girlfriend that I always found her laugh really annoying. Thanks.
I look forward to paying off all my debt and finally getting back to just being broke.
My Grandma would be pissed if she found out how many times she`s died so I could get out of having to go somewhere
It should be socially acceptable to end any boring conversation by shouting "UNSUBSCRIBE!"
WARNING::World Health Organization says radiation from cell phones may cause cancer. Please text everyone you know about this.
I miss the good old days..when you could slam the phone down.!!
If your parachute doesn`t deploy, you have the rest of your life to fix it.
Card on top of gift reads `I want you wearing this tonight` only to open the gift to find NOTHING
You`re right, you didn`t ask that guy for a d!ck pic, but nobody asked for hundreds of pictures of your face either.
has a Massive drinking problem ... there is no alcohol in the house!