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I hope I never have to run for my life. It wouldn’t end well.
Dear shaving commercials, stop shaving hairless legs. If you want impress us, please shave a gorilla.
Life is not a garden so quit being a hoe
Whoever figured out that you can make cake in a mug in under a minute was probably really going through some sh!t.
Thesaurus for sale, brand new, current, modern, original, unused, untapped, fresh, pristine, untouched, mint condition, spotless, untried...
My bank account is more like a countdown to my homelessness
Some days there just isn`t enough give-a-damn.
Ride me like you stole me.
Non alcoholic beer is like porn movie on a radio
"Does this dress make me look fat?"-- Now, what I SHOULD have said was, "No, dear! You are little black dress approved!" but what came out was, "When did your bum move to the front?"
And all this time I thought a chickpea was when women went to the bathroom in groups.
Getting my kids to the airport always feels like I`m recreating the first 10 minutes of "Home Alone."
Just dropped off some film to be processed. More on this story as it develops.
It`d be nice if the married people would leave some of the single people for the rest of the single people.
1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance – My stages of getting ready for work