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To those girls who always put"CRYING" at the end of every status, seriously what do you expect us to do, inbox you a tissue?
Nothing says "I mean business" like bringing a shopping cart to the liquor store.
I have a feeling my dying words will be "Honey, I was just joking."
At what point in potty training do you give the child a toy smartphone?
Just came to the realization that with their ridiculous fees, I`m tipping my ATM more than my bartender.
It`s not the torch she carries for me that has me worried, it`s the gas can in her other hand.
I hate when people post lyrics from songs, but I will survive.
I tried stuff once. It was horrible.
Lets not get carried away it`s not like McDonalds shutdown
There’s always that one person that catches you doing something weird.
I`m at an age where I no longer want to marry a doctor for his money, but rather for the prescription medications he can provide.
Never call a woman crazy because she will say, "I`m not crazy!" and then go and do something crazy. Probably with matches.
I hope that man who was walking in memphis found out the way he really felt
Good things come to those who wait. Better things come if you stop f*cking around and make sh!t happen.
I didn`t see anyone important today, so I`ll probably wear these same clothes tomorrow.