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Roses are red, violets are blue. I lowered my standards, just for you.
I don`t have any "driving the speed limit" music.
There is no such thing as a stupid question, but there are such things as stupid people who ask questions.
If Google can`t find the answer, it`s not a question.
If a girl bangs ten dudes in a year she is a slut. If a guy done he`s gay. Definitely gay.
The word “fireplace” really reveals the creativity of our ancestors
Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags in their house, or is it just me?
The only problem with sarcasm is, it only works on intelligent people.
It`s bad luck to be superstitious.
Why do people ask "what the hell were you thinking"? Obviously, I was thinking I was gonna get away with it and not have to explain it.
Autocorrect is changing correctly spelled words. I’m starting to think it has a mind of its AUTOCORRECT IS HARMLESS. GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS.
"Hey homie!" - How I greet my house whenever I arrive.
Don`t get into a relationship with someone unless they love you as much as Kim Kardashian loves Kim Kardashian.
My 17yo pretends he doesn`t understand how the washer works when I ask him to do the laundry Congrats, you`re finally a man
Gardening is awesome because it is one of the only ways a normal person can be persuaded into buying actual bags of poop.