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If my calculations are correct then someone else did them for me.
real eyes realize real lies
If anyone tells you that you drink to much on the weekends. Stop talking to them...you don`t need that kind of negativity in your life
You ever wonder why it`s only women who need exorcisms?
In wine there is wisdom. In beer there is strength. In water there is bacteria. You decide.
WTF, marathoners? I don’t even like to drive 26 miles.
If someone`s mean to you, just lean in and whisper "I`m a Barbie girl in a Barbie world" to them & get that monstrosity stuck in their head.
My internet went down. By which I mean my neighbors changed their password.
I enjoy going to costume parties that have a theme. ..."Nude Beach" is my personal favorite.
I`ve made up my mind, I`m not giving up anything for Lent, I`m no quitter...
Despite being a pain in the a$$, you have to admit I still bring a lot to the table.
The only complaint I have about being married is being married.
There`s a time and a place for alcohol ... In my hand and now.
Sometimes I watch sports holding an xbox controller just to screw with my girlfriend`s head.
I always have a note in my pocket that says "john did it" just in case I`m murdered because I don`t want him to remarry