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Waffles are just pancakes with abs.
I thought about going outside and doing something today but my Wi-Fi really doesn`t reach very far.
I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication
Dont piss me off...I`ll give your number to all the kids and tell them it`s Santa`s hot line!
Maybe Mondays are not that bad. Maybe its your job that sucks balls.
Sometimes I like to hold the door for people who are far away so they feel obligated to run just a little. ;)
All men approve of premarital sex......until they have a daughter.
Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face...
Helping my kid study for her geology exam, and apparently `hard` `classic` and `punk` are not the 3 different types of rock.
It doesn`t matter if you don`t like my personality... I have several more!
I don`t even think it`s possible for a bear to cook porridge.
I thought there was a spider on the rug, but it was just some yarn. It’s dead yarn now, though.
I feel like I`ve passed my "Best If Used By date."
When someone is murdered, they always investigate the spouse 1st. And that pretty much tells you everything you need to know about marriage.
the only way I know something is bad for me is if I like it