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When you`re trying to change the channel on the tv, and the remote starts ringing, you`re probably drunk.
Dear automatic flushing toilet. I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I wasn`t quite finished...
Being rich doesn`t equal happiness but i`d rather cry in a ferrari
Why isn’t “cheating” a relationship status on Facebook?
Dear axe body spray, Could you Please put a suggested spray size on your deodorant bottles. Best regards, Asphyxiated girls everywhere.
Iron man is a super hero, Iron woman is a command.
Someone told me I`m immature and need to grow up. Guess who`s not allowed in my treehouse now.
When a woman says, "I`m NOT crazy" *clapping her palms together per syllable* That`s universal for, "You`re going to die."
I cant afford a Snuggie so I just wear my robe backwards...
I hate it when 18 wheelers blow their horns while Im driving, that sh*t wakes me up!
Maybe there`s no such thing as automatic doors, just gentlemen ninjas.
All I`m saying is that if you were a real psychic palm reader you would of made me wash my hands first.
ready for bed - gunna give my sheets some arse and my pillows head;]
I failed my driver`s test. For the question "What do you do at a Red Light?" I said "Text and check Facebook."
Yeah, I was gonna do that, but summer.