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There is a huge difference between a hot girl and a girl wearing lesser clothes.
Why insult someone when you can say something nice in a very sarcastic tone.
I suspect my gravestone will have a pretty serious urine discoloration not long after I`m gone.
"Why haven`t you been answering my pigeons?" - 17th century sext
Why do people say “nice to meet you” before I’ve even said anything? How do you know it’s nice to meet me? I’m a jerk.
Diamonds are the hardest substance in the world ... to get back from a woman
I thought I was feeling a little bloated today, turns out I had my underwear on backwards.
I almost talked my way out of a ticket today by telling a female cop she was very attractive, but things went sour when I said "and that`s not just the booze talking either".
I`ve been baptized five times this week in five different churches. I wish the landlord would hurry up and fix my shower.
Just so you know, when you repeat what you just said I won`t be listening then either.
Another successful year no random father`s day cards in the mail!
Are you bored? Go to someone`s Facebook wall, Scroll down 4 months and like something.
Your screenshots of text message conversations tell me: 1. you have a great sense of humor 2. to never trust you
Drinking Tip: Never buy the first round cause that`s when people care what they`re drinking!
Newton`s third law of emotion. For every male action there is a female overreaction.