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Perfect relationships exist in thoughts, movies, and Facebook timelines.
Actions speak louder than words when you smack someone in the back of the head with a shovel
The first person who discovered how to make popcorn must have been like "WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON!"
I used to make fun of my dog for barking at dogs on TV until I caught myself in the car pulling over for a siren on the radio.
Whether you`re a woman or a straight man, taking a bra off is likely to be one of the high points of your day.
My life has a great cast, but I can’t really figure out the plot.
I`m not the type of person you want to put on speaker during a phone conversation.
I hate taking down Christmas decorations just to put up Halloween decorations...
Saw a boat with a sign that read "For Sale" so I added the missing "-ing"......Idiots can`t spell...
What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
To the guy who invented Zero: Thanks for nothing!
I can either be on time or wearing pants. Pick one.
That awkward moment when you remember something funny, and can’t stop smiling like an idiot.
I’m a fan of saying YOU’RE WELCOME really loudly when people don’t thank you.
So apparently I`ve been Googling `Asian Prom` this whole time. I watched like seven videos before I realized they weren`t going to bang.