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The first step to admitting you have a problem is having a problem.
This bank pen tastes like it`s been in a lot of other people`s mouths
If you could have all of Bill Gates` money or world peace, what colour would your Lamborghini be?
If I was Neil Armstrong landing on the moon, "That`s one small step for man," would have been, "Screw you every girl who ever shot me down!"
The condoms need to be located in the baby aisle, next to the 30 dollar diapers and 20 dollar formula cans
Soul mates are people with the mutual understanding that no one else will put up with their sh!t.
You know you`re broke when your Bologna Does Not have a first name!
they say winning doesnt matter then why they had kept scores
I used to be a kleptomaniac but now I take something for it.
Seen it all, done it all, can´t remember most of it.
Don`t ask me for childcare advice unless you want nuggets of wisdom like "always punch holes in the box so they can breathe."
9 of 10 voices in my head telI me I `m crazy. One hums ...
My boyfriend isn`t allowed to break up with me. You wanna see other people? Look out the window.
is at the park. Unless you’re my boss, in which case, I’m at work.
You`re such a slut, the only reason why you wear panties is to keep your ankles warm.