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I get in this weird mood where I don`t want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood `Awake`
3 things I will never understand: 1. The meaning of life. 2. The universe. 3. How Spongebob & Patrick made those sounds effects in that box.
You`d think my boss would know me by now and stop asking me everyday if I`ve been drinking.
Every cigarette you smoke takes 5 minutes off your student loan debt.
I am not cut out for the CIA. All the opposing side would have to do is tickle me and I’d spill all our nation’s secrets.
If kidnapping is a federal offense, then why is marriage legal?
The people naming dinosaurs should teach the people naming hurricanes how to name stuff.
Sometimes I`ll go out in public and socialize with people, those times are called alibis.
I want my tombstone to say "It didn`t make me stronger."
No matter how many lives you have in Candy Crush, you’ll still never get your own back.
People says nothing is imposible.. But i do nothing everyday!!
Can you shut up now?! Because talking to you sounds less appealing then playing leapfrog with unicorns.
I didn`t come here to make friends. I go to the cat shelter for that.
Fact: You wish Facebook had the middle finger button.
Good Morning! A fresh cup of hot coffee and my FB page is up, just look at that, I already achieved all my goals for the day.