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“I went to Jared” I whispered as she slowly opened the velvety box of Subway coupons.
Summer is real cool until every f*ckin type of insect comes out of the 8th circle of hell.
How do amish girls know if its a romantic candle lit dinner or just a regular candle lit dinner.
If they have an Ice Cream Truck for kids why don’t that have a Beer Truck for adults?
I yawn all day at work & school. But when it comes to at night, I’m not tired at all.
Find a penny pick it up and all day long you`ll have good luck. Or some kind of virus because pennies are dirty and gross.
I love screwing with the minds of the foreign tech support guys. “My name is Perry, not Terry. With a P as in Pterodactyl.”
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific
Today is National animals day, please take a moment to remember your ex :p:p:p.
I went to the missing persons` beurau. No one was there.
It`s the weekend!!! The " Responsible Adult Button" has been switched to OFF!!
Who is the genius that decided Little League uniforms be white? My guess is Tide laundry detergent.
We’ll be friends until we’re old and senile. Then we’ll be new friends all over again.
My ex-wifes facebook status said "I`m depressed and on the edge"... So I poked her!
I need to put someone on my weekend to-do list