Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Almost time for my nightly foursome......... Me, my bed, my pillow and my blanket! What the hell were YOU thinkin` you perv!!!!!!
Girls become instant best friends when they find out they hate the same people.
You see I, I´ve raise a toast to all of us. Who are breakin´ our backs everyday. If wantin´ the good life is such a crime. Lord, then put me away, yeah, here´s to you
Heard the local weatherman say, "high in the thirties" & now I know the title to my autobiography.
Remember kids- Respect your fathers! Besides, before you came out of your moms, you came out of your dad.
Lol at birds that walk places.
All these people are talking about finding Jesus, finding love, finding themselves... I`m like I found 63 cents and four Fritos in the couch!
Nothing says you are ugly like Facebook asking ``Are you sure you want to make this your profile picture?``
you have lips ….. i have lips …… interesting
I finally figured out how to get rid of that annoying sound in my car. I opened the door and pushed her out!!
When people tell me that I’ve changed, I want to shake them and tell them: “And so should you!”
If you`re not afraid when someone is flipping through the photos on your phone then you`re probably boring.
is procastinating now. Don´t see why I should put it off.
After watching "Breaking Bad" and the VMAs in the same night, I think I`d rather my kid be a meth dealer than a musician.
Facebook is great, but I still miss the good old days of writing down my random thoughts and sliding them into stranger`s pockets.