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I love tan lines... it`s like God came down and high-lighted all the good parts... ;-)
If we aren`t supposed to be too close to the microwave then why do they show us food twirling around in there?
You took the time to make your minivan look like a reindeer, but you can`t take one second to hit the turn signal an inch from your fingers?
I wouldn`t be surprised if my kids think the phrase "goddamn douchebag" means someone who pulls out in front of your car without signaling.
How come there`s never enough dirt to refill the hole even after you`ve put the body in? Asking for a friend
I`m starting to get that "f*ck it" attitude about everything..
When I have to make a difficult decision in life I think what would grandma do, then I leave home in my nightie & shout at random strangers.
Help keep America beautiful. Stay in your house today.
I hate people who take drugs......like the police.
While wearing a bikini you show 90% of your body -But men are so polite, that they stare only at the covered places.
hates when I´m singing along with the radio and the artist messes up the words!
I swear on this f*cking chicken I will never swear again. Oops.
I`m so old, I remember when the internet didn`t have commercials.
You don’t have to be drunk to love me, but it helps
My method of going "offline" in FB chat is to just ignore you.