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People reckon I´m too patronizing (that means I treat them as if they´re stupid).
Making a woman laugh is one of the keys to winning her heart, unless she’s laughing at your junk.
If you are naughty go to your room, if you wanna be naughty go to mine :)
Don`t just lay there... Move! Bounce! Do something!! ~ me, pleading with my hair
I enjoy long romantic walks to the fridge.
I have this talent of getting tired without doing nothing.
Nothing says `I dont take you seriously` like your dog wagging his tail when you are yelling at him.
I hate when people call me and ask "WHO IS THIS?"
Today I am thankful that I don`t post what I am thankful for on Facebook, every day in November. Or ever.
Their bedroom door is closed. I better walk in there for no reason. - kids
People are like dogs: There`s always someone who loves you for you and there`s someone who just peed in an inappropriate place.
This is how my week goes: Mooooooooooooonday Tuuuuuuuuuuuuesday Weeeeeeeeeeednesday Thuuuuuuuuuuursday FridaySaturdaySunday.
Pretty sure airport food was priced by children just learning about numbers. "Ok Brian, how much should this apple cost?" SIXTY TWO DOLLARS!!
Just saw a guy checking out my wife. Good luck buddy. I’m married to her and I don’t even have a chance.
Sorry I poked you all over your body, but I was just looking for the off button.