Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words... words might hurt me deeply, causing great emotional, mental, and psychological damage leading toward a lowered self-esteem and irregular bowel movements.
A baby`s laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you will ever hear, Unless it`s 3am. And you don`t have a baby, And you`re home alone.
I`ve eaten enough chinese food in my day that my fortune cookies have started to contradict one another
I love how stars are billions of miles apart and we`re like "that`s a soup ladle".
I can walk up to any dog, rub its belly and make a friend ... That trick rarely works on people.
This nude beach would be great!...if I wasn`t the only one participating.
Parallel park, like nobody’s laughing.
If noone comes from the future to stop you, how bad of a decision could it really be?
Just saw a coyote next to the highway. I hope this tunnel ahead isn`t just painted on.
Whenever you feel sad, just remember that somewhere in this world there`s an idiot pulling a door that says "PUSH"..
You`d think my password was "yourmom" because the computer said it was too easy.
My relationship is like an iPhone, I don`t have an iPhone.
In life, you only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn`t move but should, use the WD-40. If it should not move and does, use the duct tape
Fun fact: Deciding where to eat is the leading cause of divorce
Orgasms are alot like pizza. As long as I have pizza I don`t really care if you don`t have any pizza.