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Just slung my bra off & threw it to the other side of the couch where there are already 2 other bras. If my math is right, it`s Wednesday.
If Shrek can find love, so can you. What I`m trying to say is, you look like Shrek
That must have been a heck of a party judging by the police reports.
If you don’t like being tailgated then don’t play movies I like.
Do you ever just sit there and think “why am I not rich”?
"Mail your packages early so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas."
I like when google answers my stupid questions because it means I`m not the only one asking google stupid questions.
"I knew that..." -Me, after every Jeopardy question.
If I ever put stuff in storage I`m going to write "gold bars" and "priceless memorabilia" on the boxes just to mess with storage wars.
"Truth or dare" should be renamed to "Interrogation or Humiliation"
I need to start setting an alarm to go to bed.
Here’s a joke for all you mind readers out there…
Suddenly my prison fantasy football league just got real.
If I were the guy who made the Where`s Waldo books I would have totally made a page where Waldo wasn`t there
Her: Do you want to run away with me? ME: We won`t actually be running, right?