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I just burnt my tongue on my food. It made me realise that it’s the ones we love that hurt us the most.
Someday we’ll look back on all this and pretend not to remember it.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you`re ignorant and make bad decisions.
"May the 4th" be with you!
"I wish people would start doing ice bucket challenges again" - said no one ever!
My boss said “Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.” Now I’m sitting in a disciplinary meeting dressed as Batman.
If you’re gonna keep being so attractive, I’m gonna need you to make out with me.
Actually, I prefer to smile on the `inside`, then no one knows what you`re up to....
You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket .. I´d miss you alot and think of you often.
what is the first thing a homeless person does when he`s on a computer? he searches through the recycle bin
i wonder if fish get thirsty .
"When I grow up, I want to marry a man addicted to video games" ~ No woman ever.
Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands.
We have cars that park themselves but I still gotta wave my hand 15 times before a paper towel comes out the dispenser
Dear vegetarians, thanks for saving all the good food for us.