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I`m going to be very disappointed if I go to England and nobody skips to the loo.
The divorce rate among my socks is astonishing.
If I could turn invisible I’d go to Paris and beat up a performing street mime… The amount of applause he’d get would be amazing!
I used to work at a fire hydrant factory. I couldn`t park anywhere near the place
Maybe cologne should come with a two sprays a day lock on it.
Some of the best things in life...are mistakes.
Sö î hèãrd ÿôu lìkê gùÿš with ácçeñts?
finally joined craigs list. who wants to see my junk?
is accepting applications. Needed someone to keep me from doing dumb stuff. See previous post.
The best thing about being single is all the sleeping around you can do…I can sleep all over my bed!
You know you`re non-domesticated when the only reason you finally transfer the dishes from the sink to the dishwasher is so you can gain access to the garbage disposal.
I`ve never done any mistake twice... three, four times may be!
There’s a guy whose whole job is to find new places to hide the “close this ad” button.
Dear iPhone, Please stop changing my rude words into nice ones. You piece of shut.
We got an extra day this year. Why did it have to be a Monday?