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Does any one know how to lower the difficulty settings on tinder?
why does that idiot Charlie Sheen keep winning, and a good person like me keeps losing?
Amazon’s recommendations are like that friend who heard you say “ninja” once and then got you ninja stuff for your birthday every year for twenty years
Have you ever woke up pissed at someone because of something they did in your dream?
Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they`re looking for ideas.
You call them French Fries…I call them Edible Ketchup Shovels.
I wonder what Facebook employees do at work to waste time.
If a man says you’re ugly he’s being mean. If a woman says you’re ugly she’s envious. If a little kid says you’re ugly, you’re ugly.
It`s hard to feel sorry for people when they get what they deserve.
I`m just a boy...standing in front of a girl...asking her to lov.....aw who am I trying to fool. I just want in your pants.
I bet someone could get really rich opening a business that untangles Christmas lights!
I quit my job with the Dept of Corrections. That place was like a prison...
I didn`t break the rules. They were broken when I got here.
“I don’t know why people dislike jury duty. I think being able to play god with others’ lives sounds fun!” – How I got out of jury duty
If a cop pulls over a U-Haul, he`s trying to bust a move.