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You must have been born on a highway. Most accidents take place there.
Some of you are so dumb, I don`t even know how you found the internet.
The condoms need to be located in the baby aisle, next to the 30 dollar diapers and 20 dollar formula cans
"Any way you can speed this up, officer? I`m obviously in a hurry."
Life is like a bowl of soup; you only get blown if you`re hot.
4/20? More like 1/5. Stupid stoners forgot how to reduce their fractions.
okay it was me..... I did it ..... I let the dogs out
If time does not wait for you, don’t worry. Just remove the battery from the clock and enjoy life.
Underachieving Sunday through Wednesday, overachieving Thursday through Saturday.
You`d think by episode 133 the Scooby Doo gang would know it`s a guy in a costume every time.
This chick I met last week says she wants a guy who is `funny and spontaneous`, yet when I tap on the kitchen window uninvited late at night dressed as a clown it`s all pantic and screaming.
Secret Web Cam Test: Please nod your head yes if you can read this.
I see dead people. Well technically they`re stupid people, but give me a few minutes
Friends who buy you food are friends for life.
Black holes must be where God divided by zero.