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I might not be a great example, but I´m one hell of a good warning.
"Oh Sh!t, Was That Today?" my autobiography
Parallel lines have so much in common, it`s a shame they`ll never meet
There are a few people I`d like to go to bed with but I can`t think of a single person I`d like to wake up with.
Phones are getting smarter and thinner. People, not so much.
Anyone want to come over and watch porn on my new flat screen mirrior?
You know its a bad day when your fat pants are tight :(
Love makes the world go round, but alcohol makes it go round twice as fast!
There are 364 days till Christmas and people already have their Christmas lights up. Unbelievable.
Had another daydream where I`m doing the mexican hat dance and CIA guys watching me from satellites are dancing along in their control room
Guys be like, "Lets play 21 question." Girl: Ok, what`s your favorite color? Boy: Triangle, so you a virgin?
Listen lady, if you stopped screaming maybe you would enjoy holding hands with me.
Some people say I`m a dreamer, others say, “If you fall asleep at work again you`re fired"
Most friends with benefits have such high deductibles that you`ll always be paying way too much out of pocket.
This is my leftover status from Thanksgiving.